Happy Valentine's Day

Today, my Valentine and I are celebrating 20 of these holidays together. We had our first date on Valentine's Day 1992. It was a Friday. The weather had been atrocious. It had been raining all week and I kept leaving the sunroof open on the Jeep. All that set aside, something very wonderful started that night. I'm looking forward to another 20!

Back to Basics

I think I want to try to blog on a daily basis again. We'll see how long I last. I had a format that I followed back in 2008 when I tried to Blog 365, which lasted until mid year when my world blew up a little. Besides no one said that you had to start on January 1st for it to count.

The difference between now and then is that there is a smart phone in the mix from which I can send updates. That should make it easier. We shall see.

One month down

I met some of my objectives this month. I have been taking my health more seriously and decided to go see some specialists. Best thing I've done in a while. My meds have been changed - and reduced. I feel a bit like a pin cushion with the amount of blood work that has been done, but I have more answers now then I do questions. Coming off the old meds has been more difficult than I would have thought and I am happy they are leaving my system. I feel much better than I have in a long time, but this is only the start of a new journey, not the end.

What else have I accomplished? I have read three books so far. Not bad. I have also completed four Snuggle Blankets for charity. I'm very happy that I started on this first this year. I hope I will be able to finish up a few more and take them over to ARF next month. Next, I plan on finishing up a bunch of chemo caps and getting those over to the the Halos of Hope booth at Stitches West at the end of February. I have quite a few done now, so I may also send some to Headhuggers.

I have also managed to get some scrapbooking done. I finished one calendar that I have hanging at work. I also am working on one for home and one for Kevin's office. For some reason, the last two are taking longer than I would have liked as I'm having some difficulty finding the "perfect" pictures.

I joined two online scrapbooking classes to focus some of my creativity. Both were offered through Big Picture Classes. Two designers that I have taken classes from before are leading these. One is Cathy Zielske and the Move More, Eat Well 2012 group. This is following my plan of getting some sanity back in my life as it pertains to my health. The other is Ali Edwards and her class is called One Little Word 2012. This class focuses on using one one word throughout the year that represents a goal or objective. For me, these two classes go hand in hand towards my overall goals and objectives for the year. We'll see how it goes.

The other positive outcome for January is our trip to Las Vegas. We had a very enjoyable weekend, but I think I spent too much while I was there. On the upside, I have lots of new projects to work on! Having a few days of downtime and being able to just wander and not have any deadlines was a nice break from the norm. I really like going to Vegas, especially this time of year. The weather was perfect - it was in the 60's. Just my kind of weather!

A New Start

To me, New Year's Day is always an opportunity to start fresh. It also is a time to reflect on the year that just passed.

Two personal goals for 2011 was to read and knit more than I had in the previous year. I managed to accomplish both of these objectives, one just barely.

For 2011, I read a total of 36 books. One more than I did in 2010 and three more than I did in 2009. I also wanted to expand my reading horizons and try some different authors and subject matters. I discovered Jo Nesbø, a Norwegian author who writes crime novels. I read 4 of his books this year. I also read Kurt Vonnegut for the first time. While Mortals Slept is a collection of short stories and essays that were very enjoyable. As usual, my library grew larger this year and I have over 20 books queued up and ready to go.

I was also pleasantly surprised with my year end total for my knitting. I doubled up the yardage from last year. I consumed 23,231 yards in 2011, compared to 11,594 in 2010. That is still down from 2007-2009 however. I completed 34 items in 2011, compared to 26 in 2010. That is also down compared to 2007-2009. I was also surprised that I didn't finish a single piece of needlework this year. That is the first time in my life since my fiber compulsion started when I was 7.

So, goals for this year: Buy Less Yarn. I have no hope to truly reduce the stash unless I refrain from adding to it. If I take the 2/1 or 3/1 ratio, for every 2-3 yards I consume I can buy 1, maybe I can truly reduce the total yards in the house. I also want to increase my charity knitting to reduce the stash. I have quite a bit of yarn that is perfect for charity projects.

I also want to do more scrap booking. I managed to eke out some space in the home office to do some scrap booking and accomplished that at Christmas with the creation of 5 Year In Review albums for my Mom and Aunts. I really liked how they turned out. I have a couple of calendars to get done, so I better get cracking on those today.

I also would like to compete at State Fair this year, but if I don't stitch, there won't be any projects to submit. I think I need to set aside a couple of nights a week for stitching projects. That stash has been ignored for some time now.

2012 is also the year that I plan to make a major change in a more personal way. This year it's all about getting healthy so I can get off the prescription drugs. We now have an exercise bike that I need use every day and I need to eat a balanced, healthy diet for every meal. Less processed foods, more fruits and vegetables.

It's not so much about making resolutions, it's about improving and growing. January 1st is a good place to start.

Oh - and another objective is to blog again. I really miss it, so I'm going to try to check in here more often.

Thanks for stopping by -- Happy New Year!

It's Wednesday

I don't know where the week went, let alone the year! Today was a blur, but I managed to get a Happy Birthday text out to a friend this morning, because I knew by the afternoon there would be no chance.

I am behind yet again when it comes to Christmas presents and I really only have until Monday to get anything in the mail. This year has been a constant churn of stuff that I want to get done versus the stuff I have to get done. Will next year be better? I truly hope so.

What I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep 12 hours. Ain't gonna happen. I can't sleep more than 6 hours at a stretch now. I just wake up. Very annoying.

Will I get everything done for Christmas? I have already cast aside a number of things that I wanted to take care of, because there just isn't time. Tonight, I will hopefully be done with the gifts for my mother and her sisters. Every year, I create something that is identical for all of them. Less bother from Mom, because she's had issues with things I have sent that she didn't see ahead of time. Catering to her whims has become so tedious. It just gets worse as she gets older. I wonder if there is a drug that fixes that?

9 days to go. Tick tock, tick tock.

Time for an opinion

It's been a while since I spoke up about something, but I've had a bit of time to digest Arizona's new Immigrant policy, and I find myself truly bothered by it.

Hard as it may seem for some to believe, I have been the victim of profiling. "Venka" is the name I have adopted for use here in the US because it is pronounceable by American English standards. What appears on my driver's license is different, and I do not choose to disclose it publicly for identity theft and security reasons, as is my right.

Back in the late '90's, I was visiting a friend in L.A. on a rainy, Friday night. I got turned around leaving her house, and missed my turn. As I was driving slowly, stopping to see the street signs, a squad car pulled up behind me with lights on. I pulled over and turned off the engine. Allow me to set the scene.......

I drove a Mitsubishi Longbed pickup truck - all black - with some "aesthetic enhancements".

I hate umbrellas, so I was wearing a baseball cap - hair in a pony tail. I was also wearing a leather jacket.

I was in a not-so-great neighborhood minutes from downtown L.A. - there may have been gangs or less-than-law-abiding citizens in the immediate area.

I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, driving the wrong type of vehicle, and not dressed like the OC goody two shoes that I was Monday-Friday at the office.

I was asked to get out of the vehicle with my hands up.

I did - and then called out to the officer asking what had I done wrong?

I was approached, and when he determined I was indeed a twenty-something female, he asked to see my ID. Again, as I was reaching for my ID, I asked him what was the problem. He said they were looking for a vehicle that matched mine, and I fit the description as far as the driver was wearing a baseball cap. I can't remember now which race he mentioned, but it wasn't white, and I wasn't male. I gave him my driver's license. He then asked to see my green card.

Did I mention that I was born in L.A.? Yes - I am not only a native Californian, but I was born in the City of Angels. And once I opened my mouth, all remaining doubt was banished. Shall we say "Valley" was my native dialect. Oh - my - God.

After lengthy debate - along with threats that I would be arrested due to my inability to prove I WAS A CITIZEN BY BIRTH - he realized that I was serious about filing complaints, going to his superiors, contacting the local news agencies. I was the organizing secretary for a local union, and one of our shops was the Herald Examiner. Hence the reason I drove the truck to LA. It fit in and no one looked twice at it when I was at the Herald, located across the street from the LA Mission.

I was given a warning - for what?!?! - and told that I really should carry something with me proving I was legal, other than my voter registration card. After all, that name didn't look American.

Yeah, back then I was still proud of the fact that I voted regularly. My Dad said that I should carry it in my wallet so I wouldn't forget when I got to the voting booth. He was very proud of the fact that we could vote together. Sorry - got off on a tangent.

Where were we? Ah, yes....

May I ask the multitude - what the hell is an American name?

Think on that a moment....




I'll wait......




I've been to Arizona. Overall, I like Arizona. I took a real liking to Tuscon, surprisingly, since I was there in August. But when you take Sedona, the Grand Canyon, Kaibab and Petrified National Forests, Arizona has remarkable beauty. It is also home to 21 tribes, including the Navajo, Hopi and White Mountain Apache. I have visited these reservations and acquired a deep respect for their people and their rich heritage. I have longed to go back there, but now I am torn.

If I were to say, make a call to check on my Mom and resort to speaking Norwegian, will I have to produce my papers. Which papers? My birth certificate - a document that can be forged quite easily, as I understand it. My social security card? That would be easier to forge than a birth certificate. My passport? What if I had never had the means, or desire, to travel out of the country? What if I had been raised poor? What if I was uneducated and worked a low paying job? What need would I have had to get a passport that costs over $100 to acquire?

I just found out that there is a passport card. Ladies and Gentlemen - I do believe this is going to become our new "national ID card". Just wait for it. It's like a credit card - it fits in your wallet! Usable at border crossings!

For someone born within the borders of the United States, what documentation are they supposed to carry? What if someone like my mother, a legal resident alien, happened to be out running errands and had left her green card at home. After all, she's lived here since 1963 and no one has ever asked to see it accept when she is returning to the US from an overseas trip. It punishes legal resident aliens and those born of immigrant parents.

Yes, I want reform. Yes, I think illegal immigration is wrong and a crime. Yes, states have the right to enact laws to combat illegal immigration. This one goes too far and infringes on our liberty. If what happened to me back in the 80's actually happened to me now on a trip to Phoenix, since I wouldn't have "proof" with me, would I be thrown in prison for 6 months? For being a US Citizen and not carry papers? For keeping the name my Norwegian parents gave me instead of changing to a legally acceptable "American" name?

You want to see fascism at work? Divert your eyes from DC people. It is alive and well in Arizona.

To blog or not to blog....

I feel guilty about not blogging. Probably, because I mean to and then I don't. I want to post things in chronological order, and I don't. So the cycle continues, and, yes, it's vicious.

I have a reason to blog tonight. I just got off the phone with my dearest, best-est (and for the longest time only) girlfriend. We actually managed a reasonable 2 1/2 hourish conversation. They've been much longer. I have phone bills to prove it! We were both a bit weepy since we heard from a long lost friend today. It brought back a lot of memories, and since we are women after all, we got emotional.

The one thing that has truly sustained me throughout the years have been my friends. Time and distance has made the relationships much more precious. Any time we actually spend in each others company are treasured for their rarity. Not a day goes by that I don't wish they were closer, but that's not the way it can be. I love them. I miss them. I am simply thankful that they haven't given up on me.

You see, the blog is the perfect representation of who I am. When I am troubled, depressed, in a negative funk, I internalize. I become a hermit. I have Kevin and that's about as much as I can handle. My friends get upset - rightfully so - because they want to help. I don't want to burden them, as I have so many times in the past.

The last few years have been some of the toughest of my life. I've questioned who I am. My own worth. My place in the world. My sanity. I really lost the sense of who I was, because too many things happened over a short period of time. And when you don't know who you are, you can't be "yourself" around others.

In the last couple of months, I've found pieces of myself again, though not completely. There's still some fractures that need to mend. I had this conversation about regrets with my nearly lifelong friend, because he knows me in ways that no one else does. He said it for me - I regret chances not taken, risks avoided, missed opportunities.

I haven't made the best choices the last few years, but I did take some risks. I tried something different. But some things changed in my life too, that impacted a few relationships, and it didn't sit well with me. I couldn't be the same person anymore. Some things that I had believed, that kept my world on an even keel, were wrong, were false. I still struggle with it and I still can't talk about it because it will seriously damage one relationship that doesn't need any more turmoil.

I don't mean to be cryptic, but part of this message is for the benefit of one person and I hope they understand why I'm saying this. I had to make a choice and it's one that brings me no joy, but I'm doing it to save someone else from a lot of pain. My hands are tied for now. I am truly sorry.

As I said, the last few years haven't been easy and I wouldn't have gotten through it without those I love - my husband, my family and my long-suffering friends.

So why the "to blog or not to blog"? In reality, I didn't feel free to blog anymore. Besides all the other stuff that I have eluded to, someone from my past, someone I thought was on the other side of world, is less than 10 miles from me. It really freaked me out, because this person had brought me so much grief and was the reason I moved to Northern California. For a time, all peace in my life was gone. But if I choose to be a victim, than I've lost again. I won't be victim anymore.

So, a-blogging I will go.

Grief and understanding

My best friend's father passed away this past Saturday. His funeral is tomorrow. I've been weepy all afternoon.

I spent some time with the family at the hospital last week. I hate hospitals. He was being well cared for. I couldn't help but compare it to my own father's hospital stay before they sent him home to die. The people at Hoag in Newport Beach are stellar.

They had the viewing tonight, and my friends daughter posted that her grandfather didn't look the same. It immediately brought to mind when Mom and I went to view Dad's body at the funeral home. I wish I could take back that moment. I wish I hadn't done it. How can you try to comfort a 15 year old when you couldn't take it, and you were 36. When you try to remember the sound of his laugh and you realize it's getting harder to remember.

In trying to comfort a friend, all the old emotions have resurfaced, and they're just as raw as they were nearly 8 years ago. He is fortunate that he has a wonderful family and they are close by. His mother will have the support of her children and grandchildren and what a blessing they will be in time.

I came across this poem earlier today. It seemed rather appropriate.

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free

Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me - but let me go

For this is a journey that we must all take
And each must go alone
It's all a part of the Master's plan
A step on the road to home

When you are lonely, and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me - but let me go

- Anon

Rest in peace, Mr. Pyles. I'm sure you and Dad will have some tales to share about a couple of teenagers that somehow managed to make you proud.

And for my father, one of his favorites that he often sang.

"And I'd give the world if I could hear that song of his today"

Darkness falls across the land......

Get yourself a beverage. This is going to be a long one probably. I'm also taking my mother-in-law's advice and enjoying my Widmer Hefeweizen. Knitting will come later. Appropriate post about my very awesome birthday present later.

Yesterday evening, I took myself for a drive. Kevin was out for the evening, and though it was knit night at Border's, I was too antsy to sit and knit, especially in those god awful plastic torture devices they call chairs. I needed to see water, feel the wind on my face. The Delta is just a few miles away, and I often forget that it is easily accessible.

I drove over to the Martinez Marina, and went for a walk. It isn't the walk along the beach that I need, but it was still a comfort hearing the water break on the shore. As with any other wharf or marina, the smell of diesel and decay wasn't completely unpleasant. It reminded me of my trips into San Pedro when I was a child. The salt marsh made me think of Bolsa Chica and the restoration project to restore their wetlands. As the sun was setting, it just seemed wrong. It was setting on the salt water, but there was too much land and not enough sand, too many ducks and not enough Cormorants. I headed back to the car and headed into the hills above the wharf.

I came across the old Alhambra Cemetery. It holds many of the early settlers of the area. The gravestones had dates from the mid-1800's. Oddly enough, I thought of the dead rising from their graves, as in Thriller.

This would be a little spooky at night. It sits at the edge of a residential street. It is surrounded by a chain link fence and barb wire. It seemed so sad. All those buried here walked, lived – here – at some time in the past. Do they have families that think of them today?

This morning we received the news that Farrah Fawcett had passed away. This was sad news, but she was obviously very ill and at least she is now at peace. But it didn’t end there, did it.

I was listening to talk radio, as I do every waking hour at work, and around 2:30 they broke the news that TMZ had reported that Michael Jackson had been taken to UCLA Medical Center, having possibly suffered a heart attack.

As the afternoon progressed, he became the story, as he is even tonight as I write this. On my way home, I thought, “this is the Elvis of my generation”. But as Keith Olbermann has pointed out, he has been part of our cultural lives since 1969. I was four. I don't remember the performances, but I do remember the cartoon from when I was little.

Then there was Thriller.

I graduated from high school in 1983. There was this thing called MTV that I had heard about, but these were still the days of TV antennas, and you just didn’t pay to watch TV, at least we didn’t until I ordered service in 1988.

…they’re showing clips of the Jackson 5. Oh my, the fringe, even for the 70’s…….

These were the days of Freeze It Hair Spray, leggings, big belts and big shoulder pads. I worked at May Department Store at Westminster Mall. I was the Assistant Manager in the Women’s Social Dresses and Fur Department. Yes, we sold fur. We sold a lot of it. We made not one cent commission, and we kicked the ass of our sister store in Costa Mesa. My personal favorite was Afghani Red Fox. Had I lived in a cold climate, one worthy of wearing fur, I would have bought it in a heart beat. Such was not the case.

I worked primarily in the evenings, because, quite frankly, I hate mornings. That is one thing that hasn’t changed in 20+ years. I was taking my dinner break, and headed out of the store into the mall. Next door to May was an audio/visual store and they had a TV set at the entrance. Thriller had just started.

….time for another beverage. Be right back…..

….that’s better……

….now I’m being interrupted by my friend Chris IM’ing me

….jesus, it’s going to 101F on Saturday……

I stood in front of that TV for its entirety. I loved Vincent Price, and I was so thrilled to hear his voice, talking “street”. It was an amazing film. It was more than a video. It became iconic for that time and it changed us. In a word, it was bitchin’.

I bought the Thriller album. I listened to it over and over. My friend Leslie worked in the Junior’s department. It was next to my department. Sometimes we were the only ones on shift for the evening. They played a local radio station in Junior’s – so Leslie and I would dance around – moonwalk on occasion. When Purple Rain was released, and When Doves Cry became a hit, we had our own little stroll that we would do through the department. Another friend I had at work, that I still fondly remember as Koci, because I had one too many Chris’s in my life, worked in Men’s which was across the aisle from my department. I remember when a couple of guys ran out the door with a bunch of Member’s Only jackets (I think) and Koci took off after them.Security was not happy with that.

After work, Koci and I would hang out down at Huntington, have a few beers. His family rescued desert tortoises. I really loved his truck, even that awful minty green color. He was fun and he was a good friend. He was one the last people I saw before I left the states back in 1984. I’ll never forget that day.

May had the first 18 hour sale – I worked it. Somewhere in this house is a letter of commendation issued by the President of May thanking me for participating in retail history. They were the first department store to be open on New Year’s Day – I worked it. The first concert I ever went to was Bruce Springsteen during the first leg of his Born in the USA tour. I went with one of the guys from receiving.

Whenever Chris would come roam the mall, I suddenly got a migraine and had to leave. Chris has ever been a poor influence on my life. I feel safe in writing this since I am fairly confident that he doesn’t ever read this. If he does – just remember – it’s all your fault. Always. (insert sound of throaty chortle here)

I was always running late for work – literally running for the time clock. That hasn’t changed either. A couple of years ago, I went back to Westminster, to walk the mall and see what was the same, and how much had changed. This was before Robinsons-May closed, but the store had been remodeled so many times, it had little resemblance to my store. I’m always disappointed when I take these walks down memory lane. But then we also view the past through rose colored glasses.

Whenever I hear Thriller, or see it, it takes me back to those couple of years that I worked at May, to those last couple of years of my teens. Though Michael went off the rails a while ago, he was amazing back in the day. I want to remember him from that time. In the words of Bob Hope, thanks for the memory, Michael.

If you want to take your own walk down memory lane, here is the link for Thriller. Do a little moon walk. If nothing else, dance like a zombie.

I Don't Know.....

..... I think it needs more chrome....

you don't see one of these everyday

Just when I start to think that my beast is getting old, I see something like this....



A 1973 Datsun 610 - parked across the street from my house. It looked pretty good, considering it's 36 years old! Seeing old Japanese imports warms the cockles of my heart.

Weird Encounters

I had to go to Walgreens last night to pick up a prescription. Besides being there for 45 mintues to pick up a refill that was supposed to be ready half and hour before I got there, I had time to "shop".

Is it just me, or does the thought of patriotic pain killers just seem wrong?

An open letter to John Ratzenberger and Tea Party Supporters

This morning I read an article from the Sacramento Bee, in which the following quote was reported to have been made by Mr. Ratzenberger:

"I worked hard and I went for the American dream and I did OK," he told the crowd. "But now I'm confused … why does the government want to take my money and give it to people who don't work?"

In all fairness, I would like to hear the whole speech that was provided by Mr. Ratzenberger, but since that is unavailable, I will make a few points to this comment specifically.

First, Mr. Ratzenberger has been a strong supporter of American manufacturing and he is an advocate for children with Diabetes. These are two things that I commend him for. I wish him continued success in promoting these endeavors.

Prior to 2006, the longest I had been off of work was 9 months. This was from 1996-1997, when I went out on disability and then had to file for unemployment before securing a new job. I have held jobs since 1982, and had to file for unemployment only once before 1996.

Since June 2006, I have exhausted Unemployment Benefits twice, and collected wages for a total of 12 months (out of 34) under 5 different contracts.

On average, I have sent out resumes or applied for 40 jobs a week.

I registered with 26 different employment agencies and reapplied to 12.

I have 14 different resumes and 26 different cover letters.

I am registered with 16 different job posting sites.

The last full-time, permanent position I held was as a Vice President of Operations.

I have worked primarily in the Mortgage industry since 1992. I worked admin and ops. I wasn't a loan officer. I didn't make the big $$.

I have dumbed down my resumes, scaling back job titles and using generic explanations for my job skills.

My background includes accounting, human resources, project management and auditing.

I have been told more times than I can count that I am either over qualified or my background is too industry specific.

Though I have been an Executive Assistant to C-level executives, I couldn't even find a job as a secretary.

Under the Bush Stimulus Bill from the Spring of 2008, I received an extension of my unemployment benefits. I was entitled to an additional $1,300. I received $111 a week. That's less than half of what I used to get paid for 1 day of work. It was humiliating and quite depressing.

The last 3 years have been depressing and humiliating. It doesn't help when people of note make callous comments such as Mr. Ratzenberger's.

I have read and listened to comments made by Tea Party supporters, and I can understand their feelings on the current state of our Nation. This problem didn't start on January 20th. It started in 1998 and has gone down hill from there. See Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act of 1998.

The national unemployment rate is over 8%, and it is estimated to surpass 10% by the end of the year. In California, it is already over 10%. This takes into account those filing for or receiving unemployment benefits. It doesn't take into account those that have exhausted benefits, or are under-employed. That would bring the total to over 15M Americans. I am one of those 15M.

I don't reject your right to protest, but I can reject your rhetoric and callousness. To blame those that have lost their jobs to corporate greed and mismanagement, to having their jobs shipped overseas, or to downsizing due to reduced revenue, shows a gross lack of understanding and empathy.

Simply put - I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone. To walk in my shoes for the last 3 years would be a completely demoralizing experience.

It would be nice to hear some solutions for a change, instead of blame. Do you, Mr. Ratzenberger, or any of the Tea Party Supporters, have thoughtful solutions for our future? We're all waiting.

Today we begin anew

This morning I set all other things aside because history was about to unfold. A new day was dawning across the nation, and the world.

"I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."

And so began our new President, with his message to all of us, and the beginning of the Era of Responsibility.

At the conclusion of the speeches, and as tears freely fell down my face when the National Anthem was played, I felt hopeful again that the creed of our Nation would be fulfilled. I went to the computer, one of our most recent great technological achievements, to find a text of the speech, so I could read it in full and accept it's deeper meaning. Ironically, it was on the BBC website that I found it first. The power of his words have reached across the world.

"Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics."

In a voice similar to FDR and Kennedy, he cast aside some of the ills of this nation and reminded us that we are better than this. Our history has shown us that we can rise above the petty issues of men to attain a higher goal, a broader achievement. In the words of John Winthrop, "For we must consider that we shall be as a city upon a hill. The eyes of all people are upon us." Our eyes are on Washington, and we pray for change, for better days ahead.

"The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

If this were true, that we could now be a land of true equality, we could be that City Upon the Hill. If we could all learn to accept those that are different, to lift up those that have fallen, to set that example for others to follow, there may be hope for us yet.

"As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more."

We cannot continue to force our will at the end of a gun. From our beginning, we lead by example. When we had to use military force to advance our goals, we did so in measured fashion. We made our mistakes, and we paid the price. We are now presented with the opportunity to lead with the hand and voice of friendship, of understanding, and with determination.

"We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you."

We saw this is the aftermath of 9/11, and the opportunity to advance change and bring this nation together was squandered. We were a strong nation, united in a common goal. The terrorists did not defeat us, we allowed our government to do that for them. We must insure that this does not happen again.

"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace."

Regardless of our familial ties, we are one nation, one people. As one, we can move mountains and be the better for it.

"And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it."

In a book I have been reading this last week, when speaking of poverty and the responsibility of Nations, the following passage from Matthew 25 was quoted, and seems appropriate for this time. (Yes, I'm quoting scripture!)

The Judgement of the Nations

31 ‘When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. ³²All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, ³³and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. ³⁴Then the king will say to those at his right hand, “Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; ³⁵for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, ³⁶I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.” ³⁷Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? ³⁸And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? ³⁹And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?” ⁴⁰And the king will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” ⁴¹Then he will say to those at his left hand, “You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; ⁴²for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.” ⁴⁴Then they also will answer, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?” ⁴⁵Then he will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” ⁴⁶And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.’

There are those that put forth that ours is a Christian nation, yet these same voices protest when they feel that we are paying too much for Social Welfare. That those suffering from AIDS/HIV in Africa brought this upon themselves with their faithless and unseemly acts. That those living in the inner cities are unwilling to elevate themselves above the property and joblessness. That those who suffer in these dark economic times brought this upon themselves through greed and avarice. Who amongst us is without sin?

"For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies."

We have been apathetic and complacent. We must now rise to our Nation's call.

"What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task."

Are we ready to answer this call? Can we continue to be complacent and apathetic as our Nation continues to suffer from the follies of the past eight years? If we are to succeed, we must all do our part, in word and deed, to help our newly elected President in lifting our Nation to it's former Glory and becoming that beacon of justice and democracy in the world again.

I leave you with some of the words that Rev. Lowery, the great civil rights leader, recited today in the benediction. The following is the text of the Negro National Anthem, written by James Weldon Johnson for a celebration of Abraham Lincoln's birthday in 1899, and was sung in Florida by a Childrens Choir on that occasion. Mr. Johnson later became the first African American to pass the bar in Florida.

Lift every voice and sing
Till earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise
High as the listening skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us,
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun
Let us march on till victory is won.

Stony the road we trod,
Bitter the chastening rod,
Felt in the days when hope unborn had died;
Yet with a steady beat,
Have not our weary feet
Come to the place for which our fathers sighed?
We have come over a way that with tears have been watered,
We have come, treading our path through the blood of the slaughtered,
Out from the gloomy past,
Till now we stand at last
Where the white gleam of our bright star is cast.

God of our weary years,
God of our silent tears,
Thou who has brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who has by Thy might
Led us into the light,
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places, Our God, where we met Thee;
Lest, our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee;
Shadowed beneath Thy hand,
May we forever stand.
True to our GOD,
True to our native land

Thoughts for a Tuesday

It's going to be hotter than Hades today. There is a reason why they named this region Diablo Valley. It's hell's ventilation.

I hate the heat. Really. Truly. Anything over 90 is a recipe for miserable. I knew that when we moved here that it gets hot in the summer, but the last few years we've had more 100 plus days than we have the first 10 years we lived here. I can't remember the last time we were expecting to have 100+ this early in July, and we had it in June too!

This doesn't bode well for the rest of the summer.

Thoughts for a Tuesday

Here's a thought - why is everything I really love to eat really bad for me?

Thoughts for a Tuesday

I wish there were more hours in the day. It seems that there is less time to do what I want and need to do. Sometimes it the simple stuff like laundry and dishes that get behind, or sorting through the mail. Sometimes it's email, and not having the time to get through it all. And now it's also learning this new job, and all the new language.

When we were young, summer seemed to last forever. Now it seems to pass in a blink. It seems like yesterday that we were looking at a New Year and hoping for better things in 2008.

I guess it just seems like time is speeding by and I getting worried that I won't be able to do what I want to accomplish before I hit a certain time or age.

It would be nice to be 15 again with the whole summer ahead of me. Endless summer.

Thoughts for a Tuesday

I've been suffering from a lot of self doubt lately. I'm sure the majority stems from my less than steady work history over the last 2 years.

When I got laid off from my job on 6/19/06, I figured I would be back at it in fairly short order. The mortgage industry was still robust. But I was in Operations, and quickly found that someone with my skills wasn't really in demand that much. Obviously, we all know where the industry went, and in fairly short order.

Trying to break out of that field has been a major struggle. Finding something that paid a fair wage was even harder. No one wanted to hire someone who had been a manager for a secretarial or administrative position. Also, there seemed to be a stigma attached to those who had been in the mortgage or real estate industry.

Now I'm going into a pure sales position, something I had tried to stay away from. With this last go around of sending resumes and registering with temp agencies, it was worse than ever. With the temp agencies, I was told I could get top dollar for admin work since I scored so high on the tests. The hourly rate was the less than what I made as a temp back in 1995-1996. If I want to make a decent living, I have to go into sales. It's a little scary.

The state of our economy is a lot worse than most people think. We're all being impacted by gas prices. Food prices have increased as well, but just wait. The floods in the Mid-West and the drought in the West will cause prices to go up even more. Those of us who are struggling already will find it even harder to make ends meet. Then when winter is upon us, we'll have the increased cost of heating oil or natural gas to contend with.

Regardless of your political affiliation, or lack of one, our government has failed us. Decades of ignorance have brought us to this place. It doesn't matter which party we're speaking of, both have failed to protect the nation. We can spend billions on an ill-advised war in Iraq, we can give billions to Pakistan with no accountability, we can throw billions away on ear-marks and pet projects. We can't provide decent, accessible health care to the men and women returning from service. We can't provide them the promise of a paid education for their sacrifices. We can't maintain national infrastructure to insure our security. One word - levies. We have thousands of qualified, educated unemployed people across the US, and big business still wants more work visas. America is on sale to the highest bidder, more often now they are international interests.

Politicians pander to polls, similar to leaves in a shifting wind. I will bring up one item that has received some airtime, and it easily solvable. It's called the Enron loophole. The Congress could close this loophole with a vote. It could be solved in half an hour. It takes speculation out of the power market. This is a matter of national security. Many key economists and financial experts have spoken to various Congressional committees regarding the loophole and that if removed, could reduce oil barrel prices by $30 per barrel. One joker actually said that the barrel price would still be above $100. So? Isn't it worth reducing the cost by 22%? It's something. Congress has been debating this for months. McCain was for closing the loophole, now it's off the table, perhaps because two of his advisers were instrumental in getting this passed in the first place. I haven't heard Obama coming out for this to be voted on before the summer break.

And speaking of the summer break - do you think it's right that Congress will be off for a couple of months? We complained when the Iraqi Parliament was taking a summer vacation because they had work to do. Our Senators and Representatives are paid enough so that they don't have to have a second job to support themselves. The summer break was initially set so that our elected representatives could go home and attend to their businesses or farms. That is no longer the case. Coming home to campaign for reelection is not a good use of my tax dollars. We have a national crisis, and they are completely paralyzed when is comes to any solution.

I'm not worried about a recession anymore. I'm worried about a depression.

Thoughts for a Tuesday

Let me preface this by saying that I am not currently affiliated with a political party. I am so disgusted by the partisan politics and lack of substance that I can't take anymore.

I've been in the Mortgage and Real Estate industry since 1992. I've seen the good, the bad and the disgusting. I know many very reputable loan officers, real estate agents and brokers that were ethical and acted in the best interest of their clients. The bad ones, the ones who were looking only for a paycheck, really cast all of us in the worst light possible.

Thanks to Phil Gramm, former Chair of the Committee on Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs, actively and decisively removed regulations that had been in place since the Depression to protect the financial markets and consumers. I have been watching CSPAN more than usual lately. I have watched various committee hearings having to do with the financial markets, the impact on oil, the value of the dollar and the sub prime meltdown. It's all part of the same problem, and it comes down to lack of regulation. When Gramm left Congress, he became a vice-chairman for UBS Investment Bank. Gramm has also served as the Econ adviser to McCain, and on April 18, 2008, UBS deregistered Gramm as a lobbyist. The following is from Politico.com:

"A year after the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act repealed the old regulations, Swiss Bank UBS gobbled up brokerage house Paine Weber. Two years later, Gramm settled in as a vice chairman of UBS’s new investment banking arm.

Later, he became a major player in its government affairs operation. According to federal lobbying disclosure records, Gramm lobbied Congress, the Federal Reserve and the Treasury Department about banking and mortgage issues in 2005 and 2006.

During those years, the mortgage industry pressed Congress to roll back strong state rules that sought to stem the rise of predatory tactics used by lenders and brokers to place homeowners in high-cost mortgages."

Thank you Senator Gramm. How much did you and your cronies make off the American homeowner?

The new regulations that are being considered are placing more regulations on the those providing services, not those providing the money. What this will eventually result in is less competition, and higher cost. What has deregulation done for the Airline Industry?

I could go on about this for days, but most of you are probably bored out of your minds already. What it comes down to is I'm done - I'm out - I'm finished.

Last week I met with a company that provides Life Insurance and Medical plans to the self-employed and small business. This Thursday, I am taking my State Exam for an insurance license. The industry that I have loved, and became a specialist in, is dying a tortured death. If I want to survive financially, I need to move on to something else.

So keep your fingers crossed for me. It's going to be a bumpy ride for a while.

Do Something Different

I've decided that I need to do something different. I've tried to find work in the Mortgage and Real Estate industry, and there isn't anything that would work for me. I've looked into Secretarial/Admin work, possibly an Office Manager or something, but I'm hard to place because of my upper management background.

It sucks to hear you are either over qualified or have non-transferable skills.

God, I hate this.